Intro...

So. I’ve been meaning to start a blog for quite some time, but for one reason or another, have never got round to it. Today, I experienced something so totally pisspantsworthy that it spurred me on to do it. I won’t reveal what that was just yet. I think a bit of background is a good place to start.

I am staying anonymous-ish, because I do not want the people I talk about to be known without their say-so.  I recently turned 24, and I live alone in a rather nice part of England, in the middle of the town. I am very set in my likes and dislikes, which I shall list below, as I think you get a good idea of a person from their likes and dislikes. Much of my blog will probably end up being about men, but by no means am I anti-men or a feminist. Quite the opposite. I adore the simplicity of men. I often find women, apart from my close group of friends, complicated, bitchy things who frequently bore me with their talk of fake tan and dresses. This is hypocritical, because in some aspects I am very girlie. I like to wear make-up, and do my nails, and all the other sorts of things - I just don’t generally like to discuss them. A very close friend of mine, who sadly passed away almost exactly one year ago, used to call me “a peculiar little hybrid type woman”, and he was probably right. But aren’t we all? I’m totally single, and that’s OK. I’m fine with it. It will be nice to meet someone, but I am in no hurry, and I absolutely will not settle for something or someone that I’m not totally into. I am on a dating site, not because I want or expect to find anything serious, but because it gives me endless amusement, and sometimes it’s nice to have a little look, Just In Case.

Right. Let’s get my likes and dislikes cleared up.

Likes: 

Wine

Paul Weller/The Jam/The Style Council

Bruce Springsteen

Oasis

Kings of Leon

Drum and Bass (mid-late 90's especially)

Electro

Cuddles

House

Karl Pilkington

Brass Eye

Horror movies/thrillers/action

Interesting crime

Southern Comfort and Lemonade - double. 

Rain

QI

Red shoes

False nails

Stephen Fry

David Attenborough

Good spelling and grammar; proper English!

The 1955 Good Wife Guide

Things that don't "go"

Stand up comedy

Funny boys

Banter

False eyelashes

Xbox

A bit of football

A bit of rugby

Dislikes:

Michael Buble

Grownups who are all into Disney

Chick flicks

Feminists (by this, I mean hardcore feminists who are basically anti-men. That's not equality.)

Jason Derulo (that bloke who can't even say his name without autotune)

Stringy bacon

Lee Evans

Lee Nelson

Girls drinking pints

Tequila

Being too hot

The only way is Essex etc

Colour schemes

There will almost certainly be things to add to this list, but for now, that will do. You get the idea. 

I would also like to give a bit of information about the people who have inspired me to write this. Despite Facebook’s obvious downfalls, I love how you can “meet” people you perhaps never would in The Real World. I love how you can keep in touch with people when you or they move away. You can find old friends and old flames, even relatives you have never met. It is through Facebook that I have met the group of Girls who have inspired me to set my blog up. In short, every single one of them is My Kind Of Girl. Independent, funny in a way that is so bloody intelligent it will melt your brain (although they’re not afraid to laugh at poo...) , strong - and I don’t mean strong “for women”, I mean STRONG, beautiful, and generally fucking ace. With these girls, I have overcome a majorly fucked up bit of my life, and even more importantly in my opinion, I have laughed so hard I have frequently found myself in tears, or so close to wetting myself I should probably invest in a pack of Tena Lady pants. They will be known by false names of course, but they know who they are.

Then there are The Real World friends. 

The Bestie, who I call Shitstick. There is a reason for this. which I will go into at some point. This is the one that in lots of ways is like the friend version of a soulmate (I hate that word too). She is the one who tells me if I’m being an absolute twat, and vice versa. I love her little one, and the one to come, as if they were real, proper, close relatives. I love Shitstick like this, too. 

Then there’s The American One. She is pretty mental, and I love her dearly for it. She can’t spell for shit, which I sort of hate her for. I sometimes wonder if she fancies me a bit, but she’s actually married to a lovely man, who I also consider to be one of my best friends. A friend of all of ours, who I shall call MixTape, is one of my favourite boys in the world. We phone each other and sing shit songs. He makes me laugh so that my face hurts. 

And there’s the one I refer to as my “Bro”. He isn’t my real brother, but he can be if he wants. I don’t have any brothers, but if I got to pick one, I’d pick him. He’s absolutely Batshit Mental - this has been confirmed by professionals - and he has a heart of absolute gold. He has a lovely lady and beautiful little ones.

This probably all sounds totally irrelevant. It probably IS totally irrelevant. What I wanted to do was give as much background as possible. What will follow from now on, is best described as an out of sync diary, really. I’ve got 24 years worth of stuff jam-packed in my head, And it’ll spill out onto my page in whatever-order-it-fucking-well-wants.