We were in town a few weeks ago. Walking up to the park, and bold as brass, he calls out to some builders "She's got a great pair, ain't she lads!'; he'd caught them having a look. I catch people having a gander all the time (honestly, anyone would think people had never seen boobs before), but I never say anything. Of course, when he shouts that, others start turning round to have a butchers as well. We then passed a busker. "Bloody hell, he nearly dropped his flute then!" - calling another pervert out on his obvious staring. During all this, I noticed I was walking behind a very attractive chap in a suit - I'm a sucker for a suit. Of course he turned round for a gander, and chuckled. I then tried to avoid walking into a pushchair and almost walked into him instead. "She's trying to hold your hand mate!!". Now, with most people, I'd be a bit pissed off at them encouraging Bazoonga Attention and general embarrassment, but he gets away with it. I don't know how. The next day, we had a wander into HMV just to have a look around. We went to have a play on the tablets and on the one right in front of us, in the search bar was my full name. Freaked out much?!
He also comes out with some excellent phrases. In fact, it was my lovely Bro who came up with the nickname which is now my name on Facebook, and the name by which I'm known to all my friends in London. There are too many of them for me to list, but amongst my favourites are:
- "cock socket", meaning fanny.
- "baggy badger", meaning a loose fanny.
- "I never shoplift. I'm just an opportunist"
- "Man who walk through turnstile sideways going to Bangkok"
- "Man who fishes in another mans pond going to catch crabs"
- They should call the roofs on convertible cars 'foreskins', because when you pull it back it reveals the bell end underneath.
Anyway. He's awesome. That is all.
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