He was quite fit. He was perfectly polite. Unfortunately, there was the most repulsive stench oozing from every pore of his being. When he went to the toilet, I was relieved that I had the opportunity to request help from my friends. I was also hopeful that he might return a little less smelly. Alas, he was just as pungent upon his return. For not far off an hour, I sat there as he talked at me about his flappy paddle gearbox (wasted on me, I have no idea what that even is). Eventually, my mobile buzzed into action - I received 6 emergency texts from different people, all at the same time. "Oh no, There's an emergency. I'd better dash!".
Now, this hadn't been a successful date by any stretch of the imagination, even without the stink. I was bored out of my mind, and he can't have been enjoying my lack of interest - I'm truly rubbish at pretending to listen. When he "let one go", my eyes were absolutely streaming - it was truly the worst fart I have ever been unfortunate enough to smell. It was on a par with the Global Gathering 2010 toilets on the last day. But as I stood up to leave, he also stood up, and leaned in for a kiss. On the lips. I was pretty damn proud of holding in the vomit thus far, but I shall be eternally impressed and amazed by my ability not to chunder at this point. "I'd love to see you again", he suggested. "Thanks!" (what else could I have said without being totally mean?)
Once I was home, I was able to laugh at the situation. My friends had enjoyed the story on Facebook, many of them speculating that perhaps he'd gone to the toilets to change his relationship status to "In A Relationship". I took a very, VERY hot shower - I was worried that I could have absorbed the smell - and checked my phone. A text from Arsebreath. I thought perhaps it would just be a polite "Nice to meet you". No, he did actually want another date.
Once I was home, I was able to laugh at the situation. My friends had enjoyed the story on Facebook, many of them speculating that perhaps he'd gone to the toilets to change his relationship status to "In A Relationship". I took a very, VERY hot shower - I was worried that I could have absorbed the smell - and checked my phone. A text from Arsebreath. I thought perhaps it would just be a polite "Nice to meet you". No, he did actually want another date.
I replied bluntly, but politely. Something along the lines of "It was nice to meet you, but I don't think we'll see each other again. I didn't feel we were compatible. Take Care".
THAT was the reply. I don't even know what to say. If I'd been bluntly rejected, albeit politely, I'm not sure I'd ask for feedback. I can HONESTLY say, we did not "connect" on any level whatsoever. "Hope this clarifies things"?! Clarifies what?
I've heard from him a couple of times, but he hasn't made a nuisance of himself. I feel a little bad - he was a very pleasant chap and perhaps just has a phobia of toothbrushes. Unfortunately, poor oral hygiene is something I simply cannot look past.
Something that puzzled me...surgeons wear masks. Surely he must've smelt his own breath in one of those?!
L xx
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